Parent Information Hub

Rhieni / Everything You Didn't Want to Know

HARD TRUTHS

Why Your Angel Failed

A scientific breakdown of where it all went wrong. Spoiler: It probably wasn't the teacher's fault.

Didn't revise45%

Common excuse: "They said they 'already knew it'"

Phone addiction30%

Common excuse: "They were 'researching'"

Stayed up gaming15%

Common excuse: "It was 'educational'"

Actually tried their best5%

Common excuse: "Sometimes it just happens"

Mysterious circumstances5%

Common excuse: "We genuinely don't know"

Remember: Every child is gifted. Some just opened their gifts later. Much later. Maybe never. We're not here to judge.

Parents Evening Translation Guide

"Your child is very chatty"

Actually means: They never shut up

"They have a lot of energy"

Actually means: They're feral

"They're working at their own pace"

Actually means: They're behind

"They're a natural leader"

Actually means: They're bossy

"They're very creative with the truth"

Actually means: They lie

"They're easily distracted"

Actually means: Phone. It's always the phone.

"They have potential"

Actually means: They're not using it

"They're very popular"

Actually means: They talk to everyone instead of working

MONEY PIT

Fundraising (Again, Yes)

Where does the money go? Great question. We're still asking too.

Recent Fundraising Events

Non-Uniform Day #47

New sports equipment (never arrived)

£234

March 2026

Cake Sale

School trip fund (still £2,000 short)

£89

February 2026

PTA Drama Central

More drama than a Year 11 English class studying Shakespeare. All names have been changed. The tension remains.

The Great Bake Sale Betrayal of 2025

ONGOING

Sharon brought shop-bought cupcakes and tried to pass them off as homemade. Karen noticed the Tesco reduced sticker. War ensued.

Car Park Gate-gate

RESOLVED (barely)

Someone parked in someone else's 'unofficial' spot. Three passive-aggressive emails and a strongly-worded newsletter followed.

The Uniform Uprising

IGNORED

A faction of parents believe the school logo should be 2cm higher on the blazer. They have a petition. It has 4 signatures.

Sports Day Seating Arrangements

ANNUAL

Who sits where at Sports Day has become more political than actual politics. Alliances have formed. Betrayals have occurred.

The Mystery of the Missing Raffle Money

COLD CASE

£23.50 cannot be accounted for from the 2024 raffle. Accusations fly. Trust has been broken. Audits are demanded.

Next PTA Meeting: First Monday of the month, 7pm
Bring wine. You'll need it.